27. When does marriage preparation begin?

True marriage preparation begins in the family itself which is principally where human and Christian values are learned.

28. What is courtship?

Courtship is a time for a man and a woman to get to know each other better. Aware of the commitment that marriage entails they should objectively consider whether the other partner will be a good husband or wife and a good father or mother to their children.

For this they should count on the advice of their parents, close friends and spiritual advisor. In this period the two are good friends and the intimacy they enjoy should be kept on this level. The partners should pray and remain open to a calling of total dedication to God in apostolic celibacy

29. What is engagement?

Engaged couples have a deeper commitment than mere courtship. They are preparing for marriage. It continues to be a time of getting to know each other better and so each party should feel free to break off the relationship if they so desire. To respect this freedom they should be careful not to financially or emotionally commit each other in the long term. In this period the two can enjoy a greater intimacy than courtship, but never that which is exclusive for married couples.

30. What means can couples employ during courtship and engagement to objectively get to know each other and to be coherent with their faith?

To ensure objectivity and to be coherent with their faith during courtship and engagement, both parties should seek regular spiritual direction from a prudent and knowledgeable priest. They should frequent the sacraments and keep their relationship pure.

31. Can sexual relations be considered part of preparation for marriage?

These sexual relations, called premarital, are not at all a preparation for marriage but a grave offence against God and a lack of mutual respect. Given full awareness and full consent it is a mortal sin in every case without exception. In fact, with full awareness and full consent, any lustful action or desire involving genital stimulation is also a mortal sin.

32. Why is premarital sex always immoral, even for engaged couples?

Premarital sex is always immoral, even for engaged couples, for several reasons:

1. The engaged couple, since they are not yet spouses and do not belong to each other, have no right to this intimacy.

2. Sex is an act of total self giving which presupposes a commitment of the past, the present and the future. Engaged couples are only preparing for such a commitment and as a result sexual intimacy is perverted and meaningless.

3. Because of the intimacy that is shared, the sex act emotionally commits the persons to belong to each other while, in truth, they do not yet belong to each other. By committing themselves emotionally in this way, their relationship is hypocritical, their moral judgments can hardly be objective and they disrespect their own freedom and the freedom of the other.

4. Devoid of meaning, the sex act outside of marriage makes the other a mere object of egoistic sexual gratification.

5. The sex act is procreative by nature and thus presupposes a life-long commitment in marriage for the proper upbringing of children.

6. The child who can be conceived as fruit of sexual relations has a right to be conceived as fruit of the unconditional love and commitment between spouses.

7. Persons who consent to premarital sex, indirectly consent to the grave injustice committed to the child that may be conceived out of wedlock and denied a normal home should the parents eventually not marry.

8. Premarital sex is destructive to the whole of society because it devalues sex and the dignity of the human person. It is a precursor to teenage pregnancies, the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, abortion, infidelity in marriage, single parent homes, delinquency and poverty.

9. In engaging in premarital sex, the parties disobey and disregard an infallible moral teaching of the Church.

10. Saving sex for marriage makes it a more valuable gift because of the effort to conserve and reserve sexual intimacy for one's future spouse.

33. Can living together be considered part of preparation for marriage?

Living together cannot be considered a preparation for marriage because couples do not have a right to the sexual intimacy that this involves, as they do not belong to each other. It is a grave offence against God, a lack of mutual respect and a cause of scandal to others.

34. Is living purity in courtship and engagement merely an exercise of restraint?

Purity in courtship and engagement is not merely an exercise of restraint. It is a joyful affirmation of the greatness and dignity of human love. Purity makes the love between two people grow in a more profound and lasting way because it leads them to be inspired not by a desire to receive, but by a spirit of giving, of understanding, of respect and gentle consideration.

35. What practical advice can be given in matters of purity during courtship and engagement?

It is not easy to meet the standards of holy purity in today's world because of the sensual atmosphere, human weakness and peer pressure to be sexually active. Some practical ways to keep relationships pure are as follows:

1. Striving to be pure at all times by turning away from pornographic or sensual images, songs and conversations and by struggling against lustful glances and thoughts about the opposite sex.

2. Avoid being alone with the other person in a house, room or lonely place.

3. Don't stay out too late.

4. Help the other to be pure by dressing and behaving modestly.

5. Beware of the fact that alcohol, overeating and frivolity are precursors of impurity.

6. Remember that you are always in the presence of God, who sees you, loves you and expects high standards from you.

7. Partaking of regular Holy Communion and Reconcilliation

to strenghten our will.

36. Are long engagements advisable?

Long engagements are not advisable because it is a time of proximate preparation for marriage, distinct from courtship. Furthermore, having decided to marry, engaged couples are inclined to sexual intimacy and unduly long engagements make purity unduly difficult.

37. What is a marriage preparation course?

In many places, the Church asks engaged couples to participate in a marriage preparation course in order to receive the sacrament of Matrimony. This course ensures that couples know the teachings of the Church about marriage and the means they can use to live out this calling. The engaged couple should regard this premarital course not merely as a requirement for marriage, but as an aid which helps them to receive the sacrament worthily and profitably.

38. In summary, how should engaged couples prepare for marriage?

Engaged couples should prepare for marriage by:

1. Truthfully getting to know each other.

2. Living their engagement purely

3. Attending a marriage preparation course.

4. Strengthening their character by responsibly fulfilling their everyday duties.

5. Strengthening their spiritual life through prayer, study and frequenting the sacraments.

6. Seeking advice from a knowledgeable and prudent priest and from trustworthy persons who have had an exemplary marriage.